Its been nearly 2 years since i did the work with Mary and I have become more conscious of my thoughts and I notice now that I don't 'caretake' like i did.
I also don't get guilty if someone says something that could be construed as sarcastic and don't take care of their feelings before my own, which of course was an old behavior, it has completely gone.
I have begun to stand up for myself finally as an adult.
Putting in the boundaries to do this was and still is something i work on every day.
I ALWAYS check in with myself now. If someone wants me to do something for them I make sure it is something I want to do.
I have become alot less critical of myself, although to be truthful that has not completely dissappeared. Again; I do ask myself questions so that I can get to the source of the critical voice, the main voice I've managed to over the years, feed so generously, it is definitely not as loud as it once was.
I have begun to look at it like I've been building myself from the inside out.
I generally swim 3-5 mornings a week, and hike about the same, I'm embarking on more gym visits to do some type of strength training.
I can say that I am getting more attentive to what I feed my body.
I don't fall into the deep depression that I did prior, when things happen that dissapoint me, I also don't blame all on myself as I once did.
My life is improving steadily and I can feel peace in my chest...where before it felt like i had someone with a big boot standing on it.
A feeling of relief comes to me more now than it ever has, I definitely attribute these changes to this work.
I am always learning new things to reinforce these healthy habits, i still have some habits that I would like to let go of, and I know I will, I just refuse to beat myself up for them.
Mary has said to me on many occassions WE are human and we make mistakes. That makes me feel better and it helps to see myself with compassion, something I never really did.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, November 30, 2009
Completion
Hi Everybody,
When I started doing this inner work I had this feeling that something had not been honored in me? I have known Mary for many years and my first introduction to her amazing work was through her mapping technique. One mapping session opened me up to all kinds of things that I knew would be emotional work if I were to begin. It took me a while to really commit to the process but after a few events in my life I knew it was time. I knew deep down in the very core of me that I had to address the issues in my life that were holding me back from being completely myself in the world. My life had started to unravel, in my mid 40’s I was not satisfied with many aspects about it, and there was this feeling that something had not been honored in me?
This inner child work has been an amazing journey of recovery and healing which allows a person to actually listen and heal the child within.
Before Mary did this work with me it was difficult for me to follow-through on assignments that would take me forward in my life. But now I have been honoring myself by completing tasks that are important for my growth as a woman, as a business woman, even as a wife. None of those things would have been possible without Mary capably guiding me on my path.
As part of my journey to being seen and being heard I set a goal to complete my Professional Coaching Certification and as of December I did! Through working with Mary I started taking the steps I needed to really ‘hear’ my own inner voice and in so doing was able to begin a new journey of self discovery and actually follow-through on steps to reach the goals I am setting for myself. I even joined my local toastmasters group…..aghhhhh scared a little, but excited to…..so I have to give my ice breaker speech in a month…..in front of about 30 people…..you can’t imagine how I feel….anywhooooooooooo this is what I wanted to say…
I noticed after I did this inner child work with Mary that I was in a much more centered place and felt able to take on the assignments and the classes needed to move forward. From July to the beginning of November I had many many classes to get through and quite a few assignments all culminating with a research paper. The paper quite frankly terrified me but I decided I was up for the task I went to work to set my timetable to get the classes schedules and the assignments completed by the date required. I had taken quite a few classes a couple of years ago, and have always been drawn to the idea of helping kids between the ages of 13-25….go figure the incest took place beginning for me when I was 13/4 until I left home when I was just 20 years old. Mary showed me ‘how to’ value myself and give myself credit and gave me the tools which allowed me to go inside and rescue that little girl that I was, that teenager that I was and that young woman that I was. Having basically raised myself she gave me permission to own that reality and to trust in my experiences and to give my young self the respect that she had long deserved. So I guess it makes sense that I want to help even one person that could possibly be feeling the feeling I had at these ages.
I did at one point dip into old habits and frankly got a little intimidated by what I felt I didn’t know, however after having a few mini sessions with Mary I came to the realization that this was my dream and I needed to honor that dream so I kept moving forward.
I wrote a research paper on a subject matter that intrigued me. How does using affirmations and visualizations help a person to move forward using the scientific data available I wrote about a well know physiological model. I would be glad to share the paper in case anyone is interested in it. I know that knowing that there is a scientific basis for all this helps me to implement the tools more readily, there may be more people out there like me that this could help in that understanding. I know that one of the reasons I took on this subject matter was because Mary uses these tools and techniques in order to help others grow and become truly who they are meant to be. I am aware that we come into this world with our gifts and that many of us never get to realize those gifts and experience what they are for ourselves let alone be able to share them with the world, which I think, is very sad.
Not only have I completed my coaching certification but I have started working as a coach and have and am attracting more clients that I really enjoy working with. Guess what? They value me and the service I offer to them. I’m charging a reasonable fee for my experience and feel very confident that I will go further in my chosen field.
This time last year the very idea that someone would actually pay me for something that I do so naturally was inconceivable to me, but now I feel like it’s possible. I know too, that the effort I put into the classes and into the assignments have a direct result on my confidence and in my knowledge of coaching, but intuitively I knew that this was always my calling, I just didn’t have a clue how it was going to show up for me.!!!!
Tar—arrrrr!!!! Here it is, you put the vision out there and it will manifest, not that it isn’t work but it is work that is a passion, a whole different ball game than doing something to make money and pay the bills, although this has to be honored to….
We all have to pay our way………….
I understand that my effort in building my business is necessary as I say to one of my clients who does not enjoy being part of building a good foundation-it is a must for you to be apart of growing your business. As with anything that you love you have to tend to it and give it your attention, your love and attention will reward you in many more ways than you can imagine as you more forward.
The more we go inside and recover ourselves the more we are able to honor ourselves thus we can share, helping this world be better. As we do better, we emanate that into the world. Mary’s work helping people do that is really important. I wish everybody could experience the joy of discovering oneself; Mary is an important element in that journey not to be missed. I hope everyone gives themselves this experience for it is invaluable.
In closing I want to thank you Mary. You really are a treasure and thank god you did the work on yourself, enabling you to share your gifts with us. Imagine not having you doing this work out there in the world; that would be a tragedy I believe.
I know that my Nan would be proud!
Talk later,
Paula
When I started doing this inner work I had this feeling that something had not been honored in me? I have known Mary for many years and my first introduction to her amazing work was through her mapping technique. One mapping session opened me up to all kinds of things that I knew would be emotional work if I were to begin. It took me a while to really commit to the process but after a few events in my life I knew it was time. I knew deep down in the very core of me that I had to address the issues in my life that were holding me back from being completely myself in the world. My life had started to unravel, in my mid 40’s I was not satisfied with many aspects about it, and there was this feeling that something had not been honored in me?
This inner child work has been an amazing journey of recovery and healing which allows a person to actually listen and heal the child within.
Before Mary did this work with me it was difficult for me to follow-through on assignments that would take me forward in my life. But now I have been honoring myself by completing tasks that are important for my growth as a woman, as a business woman, even as a wife. None of those things would have been possible without Mary capably guiding me on my path.
As part of my journey to being seen and being heard I set a goal to complete my Professional Coaching Certification and as of December I did! Through working with Mary I started taking the steps I needed to really ‘hear’ my own inner voice and in so doing was able to begin a new journey of self discovery and actually follow-through on steps to reach the goals I am setting for myself. I even joined my local toastmasters group…..aghhhhh scared a little, but excited to…..so I have to give my ice breaker speech in a month…..in front of about 30 people…..you can’t imagine how I feel….anywhooooooooooo this is what I wanted to say…
I noticed after I did this inner child work with Mary that I was in a much more centered place and felt able to take on the assignments and the classes needed to move forward. From July to the beginning of November I had many many classes to get through and quite a few assignments all culminating with a research paper. The paper quite frankly terrified me but I decided I was up for the task I went to work to set my timetable to get the classes schedules and the assignments completed by the date required. I had taken quite a few classes a couple of years ago, and have always been drawn to the idea of helping kids between the ages of 13-25….go figure the incest took place beginning for me when I was 13/4 until I left home when I was just 20 years old. Mary showed me ‘how to’ value myself and give myself credit and gave me the tools which allowed me to go inside and rescue that little girl that I was, that teenager that I was and that young woman that I was. Having basically raised myself she gave me permission to own that reality and to trust in my experiences and to give my young self the respect that she had long deserved. So I guess it makes sense that I want to help even one person that could possibly be feeling the feeling I had at these ages.
I did at one point dip into old habits and frankly got a little intimidated by what I felt I didn’t know, however after having a few mini sessions with Mary I came to the realization that this was my dream and I needed to honor that dream so I kept moving forward.
I wrote a research paper on a subject matter that intrigued me. How does using affirmations and visualizations help a person to move forward using the scientific data available I wrote about a well know physiological model. I would be glad to share the paper in case anyone is interested in it. I know that knowing that there is a scientific basis for all this helps me to implement the tools more readily, there may be more people out there like me that this could help in that understanding. I know that one of the reasons I took on this subject matter was because Mary uses these tools and techniques in order to help others grow and become truly who they are meant to be. I am aware that we come into this world with our gifts and that many of us never get to realize those gifts and experience what they are for ourselves let alone be able to share them with the world, which I think, is very sad.
Not only have I completed my coaching certification but I have started working as a coach and have and am attracting more clients that I really enjoy working with. Guess what? They value me and the service I offer to them. I’m charging a reasonable fee for my experience and feel very confident that I will go further in my chosen field.
This time last year the very idea that someone would actually pay me for something that I do so naturally was inconceivable to me, but now I feel like it’s possible. I know too, that the effort I put into the classes and into the assignments have a direct result on my confidence and in my knowledge of coaching, but intuitively I knew that this was always my calling, I just didn’t have a clue how it was going to show up for me.!!!!
Tar—arrrrr!!!! Here it is, you put the vision out there and it will manifest, not that it isn’t work but it is work that is a passion, a whole different ball game than doing something to make money and pay the bills, although this has to be honored to….
We all have to pay our way………….
I understand that my effort in building my business is necessary as I say to one of my clients who does not enjoy being part of building a good foundation-it is a must for you to be apart of growing your business. As with anything that you love you have to tend to it and give it your attention, your love and attention will reward you in many more ways than you can imagine as you more forward.
The more we go inside and recover ourselves the more we are able to honor ourselves thus we can share, helping this world be better. As we do better, we emanate that into the world. Mary’s work helping people do that is really important. I wish everybody could experience the joy of discovering oneself; Mary is an important element in that journey not to be missed. I hope everyone gives themselves this experience for it is invaluable.
In closing I want to thank you Mary. You really are a treasure and thank god you did the work on yourself, enabling you to share your gifts with us. Imagine not having you doing this work out there in the world; that would be a tragedy I believe.
I know that my Nan would be proud!
Talk later,
Paula
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Letting Go and Breaking Through
Today we began as always with a centering breath. I was really glad of it today as I was feeling very scattered. I honestly struggled this week, feeling raw, and very open, exposed like an open wound. Feeling really uncomfortable, yet I know that it is all a process of letting go. Its not easy to let go, but I feel like in this session that Mary was helping, uncovering the core of me.
I have also been feeling really uncomfortable with the physical weight I have been carrying for so many years and which has become a real burden. I want to put it down along with this emotional baggage I have been sloughing off. I keep thinking its not just wanting to ‘LOSE WEIGHT’ BUT instead LET IT GO! To finally SET IT DOWN, set it all down and let go of it and the past. Yes that’s really the way to describe it for it all has felt so cumbersome. Mary wonders if maybe I finally feel ready to share the real me.
In this session my 6 year old self showed up, and she wasn’t in the best of moods either! During the dialogue I began to see how strong I had to be and all that I had to handle and all the weight I had to carry as a child. I still feel like I’m moving at warp speed to catch up with myself. I think I may have mentioned that before, but truly its how I’m feeling. Like there is no time to waste you know?
When I was growing up MY NAN was the one person who I felt was truly there for me.
I think if she were here today she would want to help me and quickly take me from this place. Just like Mary my Nan would quickly want to show me how valuable I truly am. My Nan tried to give me so much why she was still alive and I just know that today she would be proud of me. She would be proud of how I live my life and how I am showing up for myself, she would approve and I feel glad for that.
What was so lovely for me was that during the session what came up was a really wonderful memory of my Nan and me in Blackpool on one of ‘our’ trips to the ‘seaside’ to see the illuminations. We would stay at a bed and breakfast eating toast and marmalade, and drinking tea out of fancy cups, from a tea pot with little pink flowers on it, and planning a day out to go up the tower on the shore, and watching the fabulous lights. There with her I was safe and happy. It was as if she were there as always wanting the best for me. She was the best Nan.
This session more than any other has shifted my perspective. Mary invited me to explore and enter the emotion where the ‘STUCKNESS” lives in my body, actually feeling where the heaviness settled. Here is the drawing:
Here is a portion of the dialogue using the non dominant hand:
I have to say that for the next two days I felt HORRID………discombulated, pressure…..like I couldn’t get out of a quicksand pit…
[Now there’s a visual]. I realized that my stuckness has to be let go of and I’m ready. Mary says that when we enter in and engage with our emotions we begin to loosen them up and we can release them but the process can initially be uncomfortable.
By day three I woke with almost a lightness in my step. I got up at 6:45am-went to a 7:30am yoga class, worked out after that, came home did 2 classes towards my certification course that I will be graduating from in December.
I realized that I’m meant to be here, that I have something to offer, I just have to get used to my own voice. I have to talk and be counted. I have ideas; I have things to say and things to share and a lot to GIVE.
I want it to come from a place of peace. The more I honor my self, my body my mind, my home and my husband -that has been a hard one to do, maybe because he is my closest alley. I realize that he doesn’t have the answers and that I’ve been punishing him for that…but then I’ve been operating from a really young mind, maybe 15-16 year old.
So in conclusion to this I want to say thank you to Mary for helping me get to my inner child and I really hope that we can continue to explore this to really help me get grounded in my healing, become more of who I am and to be able to go out into the world with confidence and show others how to do it……….I have a ways to go, I know that, but Mary you really are showing me the way, I hope for others that they find you for you are a healer of the highest order and should be honored for that place in this world.
Talk later PaulaX
I have also been feeling really uncomfortable with the physical weight I have been carrying for so many years and which has become a real burden. I want to put it down along with this emotional baggage I have been sloughing off. I keep thinking its not just wanting to ‘LOSE WEIGHT’ BUT instead LET IT GO! To finally SET IT DOWN, set it all down and let go of it and the past. Yes that’s really the way to describe it for it all has felt so cumbersome. Mary wonders if maybe I finally feel ready to share the real me.
In this session my 6 year old self showed up, and she wasn’t in the best of moods either! During the dialogue I began to see how strong I had to be and all that I had to handle and all the weight I had to carry as a child. I still feel like I’m moving at warp speed to catch up with myself. I think I may have mentioned that before, but truly its how I’m feeling. Like there is no time to waste you know?
When I was growing up MY NAN was the one person who I felt was truly there for me.
I think if she were here today she would want to help me and quickly take me from this place. Just like Mary my Nan would quickly want to show me how valuable I truly am. My Nan tried to give me so much why she was still alive and I just know that today she would be proud of me. She would be proud of how I live my life and how I am showing up for myself, she would approve and I feel glad for that. What was so lovely for me was that during the session what came up was a really wonderful memory of my Nan and me in Blackpool on one of ‘our’ trips to the ‘seaside’ to see the illuminations. We would stay at a bed and breakfast eating toast and marmalade, and drinking tea out of fancy cups, from a tea pot with little pink flowers on it, and planning a day out to go up the tower on the shore, and watching the fabulous lights. There with her I was safe and happy. It was as if she were there as always wanting the best for me. She was the best Nan.
This session more than any other has shifted my perspective. Mary invited me to explore and enter the emotion where the ‘STUCKNESS” lives in my body, actually feeling where the heaviness settled. Here is the drawing:
Here is a portion of the dialogue using the non dominant hand:
I have to say that for the next two days I felt HORRID………discombulated, pressure…..like I couldn’t get out of a quicksand pit…
[Now there’s a visual]. I realized that my stuckness has to be let go of and I’m ready. Mary says that when we enter in and engage with our emotions we begin to loosen them up and we can release them but the process can initially be uncomfortable.
By day three I woke with almost a lightness in my step. I got up at 6:45am-went to a 7:30am yoga class, worked out after that, came home did 2 classes towards my certification course that I will be graduating from in December.
I realized that I’m meant to be here, that I have something to offer, I just have to get used to my own voice. I have to talk and be counted. I have ideas; I have things to say and things to share and a lot to GIVE.
I want it to come from a place of peace. The more I honor my self, my body my mind, my home and my husband -that has been a hard one to do, maybe because he is my closest alley. I realize that he doesn’t have the answers and that I’ve been punishing him for that…but then I’ve been operating from a really young mind, maybe 15-16 year old.
So in conclusion to this I want to say thank you to Mary for helping me get to my inner child and I really hope that we can continue to explore this to really help me get grounded in my healing, become more of who I am and to be able to go out into the world with confidence and show others how to do it……….I have a ways to go, I know that, but Mary you really are showing me the way, I hope for others that they find you for you are a healer of the highest order and should be honored for that place in this world.
Talk later PaulaX
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