Putting the Protective Parent into action

Starting to put the work to work…is what this session felt like today.
Mary and I started as we always do with some centering breath excercises.I brought up a specific problem I had been dealing with one of my own clients and how I was feeling less than valued. Mary suggested that we look into this situation as she thought it could be connected to a longer standing pattern. We put my protective parent into action through the dialogue process. WOW!!!!! OK!!!!! I get it.

I drew a picture of one of my clients who for most of the time I find to be quite reasonable but there are those times where I feel completely undermined. I kept thinking that it must be me [of course who else am I going to blame]and the inner critic was still reminding me that I must be incompetent or something. This client would give me a compliment and in the same breath tell me how I could do better [?] I would find myself trying to MAKE her see (prove) that I’m a good person/worker etc. or I would just work harder and prove to her that I was valuable. [Now after drawing out this inner voice I can see it for what it was…

I drew a situation which depicts the woman I work for and then myself using my non-dominant hand. (see image below) In the drawing it was interesting to see how very small I appear and I wonder could I appear any smaller? I mean good lord, I feel so sad for that minute being. I wonder do I really feel like that inside? Around her YES YES YES!!!!

Is she purposely making me feel like that NO NO NO…………I’m doing that to myself. In the drawing the caption above my head reads: “I’m so tired of these people." In my life I have grown tired of those people but in the past few months I have begun to notice that those ‘type’ people who used to always show up are not showing up as much in my life now. Could it be that I’m not attracting them as much anymore or I’m not attracted to them.

Mary also asked me to do a dialogue between the client and my protective parent using my dominant hand. She wanted the protective parent to be put into action in order to shield the inner child from being treated poorly.
(Click on the image to enlarge)


This dialogue was very revealing. In my last post I had said I feel like I’m maturing at warp speed and I am still doing just that. At the end of the dialogue my protective parent spoke a truth that I had not vocalized, but it is really the way I feel.

This image says it all as it shows me walking out the door. (click on the image to enlarge)
In reality I have begun finding and taking on new clients who treat me better. I want and know that I deserve to be appreciated for the work I do. [I’ve already signed one on to my books this week …hey go figure, and he’s signed on for my rate, without even a sigh! Twice the rate that I was getting previously. This new client was SO respectful and totally grateful, he was already feeling like I was going to be such an asset to him, and how did I feel. VALUED! VALUED, and in charge of my own voice.

I cannot piss and moan about how someone ‘makes’ me feel and expect things to change, I’m the only one who can change my circumstances. I’m the only one who gets to chose who and what I allow into my life. I must take responsibility for that.

As Mary so eloquently puts it; you only need to tend to your own inner road map, it’s not your responsibility to try to figure out anybody else’s emotions, or their shortcomings. If something doesn’t ‘FEEL’ right to you, that is an indicator that you shouldn’t be there, or you should take stock of what the feeling is trying to tell you……You need only to tend to your OWN inner world it will give you the information you are seeking. You must be still long enough to hear it!
This is my 9th week with Mary and so far I have taken on 2 new clients, and the completion of my ‘Life Coaching Certification’ should be done by December 2009.

I know for certain that if I hadn’t taken on this challenge of going in and working with my inner child that there would be no way I would have made such progress in my day to day life. I have been making healthier choices lately and have been learning how to become a better observer. I’m hoping that this ‘observer’ stays with me, throughout the rest of my life, allowing me to live more consciously.
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It’s like I’m just getting used to myself and it’s quite exciting to like who I am, and to know that I don’t need to prove that I’m worthy to ANYONE! I’m learning that I’m valuable and loveable just as I am……… this takes practice. I have begun asking myself “What Do I Want?” What Do I Need?” Where Do I want To Go?” What Do I Want To Achieve?’ these are questions that now bare paying attention to…

Talk next week Paula

Critical Parent

I started my session with Mary as we always do with some centering breathes to get me connected to ‘The Now’ and as is usual in our sessions. Mary’s voice brings me back to be fully present to the task at hand which was accessing and meeting the “Critical Parent.”

I found it to be really easy to connect and could visualize it being right beneath my skin, just waiting for anything to be critical about:

Mary had me draw my critical parent and as you can see I drew her as protective and happy with my 3 sisters and me there over to the side with my hands on my hips in a kind of defiant stance, separate.

In the drawintg she is telling me all the things that I now have learned to say to myself after being triggered by things my sisters and mother say. Inwardly I hear that I’m over exaggerating the pain I’ve felt throughout my childhood especially related to the incest.

After I drew the picture and said the words with my dominant hand Mary had me ask the question:

Dear inner child
“Tell me what your hearts desire is”
I then wrote my answers with my non-dominant hand

This is what I wrote:

I want to be free from feeling like I don’t matter to you-I want to be able to get excited about becoming a mom-I want to be free from those ugly thoughts!

Next Mary had me invite the voice and the critique of my inner‘Critical Parent’to come forward and have its say using the dominant hand:



Then Mary asked me to have the Inner Child talk back to the inner voice of the Critical Parent with my non-dominant hand

My Inner Child wrote:
I feel sad for you-that you are so angry. You can’t see me-can you? You don’t know me & you don’t want to know me.You just want to be mean & spiteful & I don’t want to know you anymore.

The picture below is my picture drawn with my non-dominant hand of me being free and happy and how I see my life becoming:

It’s me grown with my husband and 2 children with a house and a dog and a small structure off of my house that is representative of my office.
There is happiness in that picture and money to help me be free and to enable me to live a life of love and joy as I’ve always wanted to be.

This session really brought home to me the fact that holding onto the past is detrimental to my present and to my future.

I know that me being happy is down to me taking care of me.

The critical voice is not as loud as it was, although the many years I’ve spent pandering to that voice has to be unlearned and the person I am, and am becoming has to be honored.

I have to put those voices that keep me down to bed. Not having the backing [as I see it as this moment] of my first family to cheer me on, will not stop me from my journey. It has just been a glitch in my growth.

It has to come from me, and I can only stand by myself and do the best I can where I’m at at the moment with each day bringing more grace and hope into my life. I have to be aware that this voice is one of my stronger voices, and I have to be vigilant to it when it rises to the surface. I feel as if I should give it some respect after all it was this bold inner voice that brought me to the place of seeking the help I needed. It also enabled me to finally and for the rest of my time on this earth go forward with the true spirit that is demanding I pay attention to it. I certainly cannot offer any real help to others until I am at peace with this voice.

I want to say to the critical voice:

“You have done your job it is time for you to leave now” I appreciate that you had to be here for me to grow…………………..

Talk later Paula…………..growing up at warp speed I might add!

Protective Parent

This past week was a real break through for me and it seems that things are starting to clear. I’m not as stuck as I was and have become more aware of my ‘bad’ habits lately and am working on bringing in healthier habits, I definitely feel a shift. I have been wanting to complete a certification for over 4 years and now I have been following through with the necessary steps and it is now within my sight. I am feeling a lot clearer and realized that I deserve this and I now know where I want to be and exactly what will feed my soul. [I believe this shift in taking action is directly linked to the work I’m doing with Mary]

We started this session off with a centering meditation, which I find to be a great beginning to the session. It really allows me to let Mary guide the session and to lead me. I trust her implicitly with my inner world. It takes only a few minutes to let go of all my preconceived notions of everything and most of all the work I’m doing with her.

Mary guided me through the exercise of the Protective Parent….
I drew with my dominant hand this time, that was different, but also quite freeing in a way. After doing the drawing of my protective parent. I felt Light! It was as if I was beginning again……how it should have been! How I would do it! I was doing it!!!!!!……….for me….that lovely little girl that I know I was!
I then drew a picture of the protective parent taking the child to a safe place. It was quite emotional.

Mary prompted me to ask my Inner Child“What do you need” and to write the answers!
This is what my Inner Child had to say:
I need to be protected from your criticisms you have to let me be. I need protecting from people who don’t ‘get me’-take me to places where I can feel good-
Protect me …..PROPERLY!

I looked at that for a few minutes after writing it, and it kind of shocked me a little. I know that my critical self has found her way to the front of my consciousness in the last few years, especially since I made a conscious decision to withdraw from my family so as to get some perspective on the sexual abuse that occurred for many years whilst I was growing up; from my step-father. I couldn’t seem to reconcile that my sisters and their children had a relationship with him. [After knowing EVERYTHING that he had done to me] I became a bigger victim than they ever could have ‘made’ me become.

I did not take care of myself. I had basically been beating myself up constantly for years because my sister’s actions seemed to show me that they didn’t think I was worth standing up for. I realize after today that I am actually fulfilling a deep seated belief that I’ve perpetuated through my perspective of ‘their’ actions. That I was not to be valued. That what I had to offer was not to be valued, that I was worthless! Mary adds that through this process it is possible to change those outdated messages and to learn to value yourself.

This last week has been a real lesson in cutting that critical voice off at the pass…..”You are not welcome here any longer….you must exit the vicinity, I still have a lot of tidying up to do for the new voice to take up residence. Having all those negative loops hanging around is really dangerous, [someone could hurt themselves with them] and I know for sure that the new voice, will not want to take up residence if I’m not respectful, and show it that I have a good clean space for it to come in.

The session felt uplifting and I really felt like I deserved that 2nd picture that taking that little girl with me was me really owning that I was not protected and it was time for me to be the one to take care of that little girl, and do the job properly.

Talk later paulaxxx