I have also been feeling really uncomfortable with the physical weight I have been carrying for so many years and which has become a real burden. I want to put it down along with this emotional baggage I have been sloughing off. I keep thinking its not just wanting to ‘LOSE WEIGHT’ BUT instead LET IT GO! To finally SET IT DOWN, set it all down and let go of it and the past. Yes that’s really the way to describe it for it all has felt so cumbersome. Mary wonders if maybe I finally feel ready to share the real me.
In this session my 6 year old self showed up, and she wasn’t in the best of moods either! During the dialogue I began to see how strong I had to be and all that I had to handle and all the weight I had to carry as a child. I still feel like I’m moving at warp speed to catch up with myself. I think I may have mentioned that before, but truly its how I’m feeling. Like there is no time to waste you know?
When I was growing up MY NAN was the one person who I felt was truly there for me.
I think if she were here today she would want to help me and quickly take me from this place. Just like Mary my Nan would quickly want to show me how valuable I truly am. My Nan tried to give me so much why she was still alive and I just know that today she would be proud of me. She would be proud of how I live my life and how I am showing up for myself, she would approve and I feel glad for that. What was so lovely for me was that during the session what came up was a really wonderful memory of my Nan and me in Blackpool on one of ‘our’ trips to the ‘seaside’ to see the illuminations. We would stay at a bed and breakfast eating toast and marmalade, and drinking tea out of fancy cups, from a tea pot with little pink flowers on it, and planning a day out to go up the tower on the shore, and watching the fabulous lights. There with her I was safe and happy. It was as if she were there as always wanting the best for me. She was the best Nan.
This session more than any other has shifted my perspective. Mary invited me to explore and enter the emotion where the ‘STUCKNESS” lives in my body, actually feeling where the heaviness settled. Here is the drawing:
Here is a portion of the dialogue using the non dominant hand:
I have to say that for the next two days I felt HORRID………discombulated, pressure…..like I couldn’t get out of a quicksand pit…
[Now there’s a visual]. I realized that my stuckness has to be let go of and I’m ready. Mary says that when we enter in and engage with our emotions we begin to loosen them up and we can release them but the process can initially be uncomfortable.
By day three I woke with almost a lightness in my step. I got up at 6:45am-went to a 7:30am yoga class, worked out after that, came home did 2 classes towards my certification course that I will be graduating from in December.
I realized that I’m meant to be here, that I have something to offer, I just have to get used to my own voice. I have to talk and be counted. I have ideas; I have things to say and things to share and a lot to GIVE.
I want it to come from a place of peace. The more I honor my self, my body my mind, my home and my husband -that has been a hard one to do, maybe because he is my closest alley. I realize that he doesn’t have the answers and that I’ve been punishing him for that…but then I’ve been operating from a really young mind, maybe 15-16 year old.
So in conclusion to this I want to say thank you to Mary for helping me get to my inner child and I really hope that we can continue to explore this to really help me get grounded in my healing, become more of who I am and to be able to go out into the world with confidence and show others how to do it……….I have a ways to go, I know that, but Mary you really are showing me the way, I hope for others that they find you for you are a healer of the highest order and should be honored for that place in this world.
Talk later PaulaX
