Its been nearly 2 years since i did the work with Mary and I have become more conscious of my thoughts and I notice now that I don't 'caretake' like i did.
I also don't get guilty if someone says something that could be construed as sarcastic and don't take care of their feelings before my own, which of course was an old behavior, it has completely gone.
I have begun to stand up for myself finally as an adult.
Putting in the boundaries to do this was and still is something i work on every day.
I ALWAYS check in with myself now. If someone wants me to do something for them I make sure it is something I want to do.
I have become alot less critical of myself, although to be truthful that has not completely dissappeared. Again; I do ask myself questions so that I can get to the source of the critical voice, the main voice I've managed to over the years, feed so generously, it is definitely not as loud as it once was.
I have begun to look at it like I've been building myself from the inside out.
I generally swim 3-5 mornings a week, and hike about the same, I'm embarking on more gym visits to do some type of strength training.
I can say that I am getting more attentive to what I feed my body.
I don't fall into the deep depression that I did prior, when things happen that dissapoint me, I also don't blame all on myself as I once did.
My life is improving steadily and I can feel peace in my chest...where before it felt like i had someone with a big boot standing on it.
A feeling of relief comes to me more now than it ever has, I definitely attribute these changes to this work.
I am always learning new things to reinforce these healthy habits, i still have some habits that I would like to let go of, and I know I will, I just refuse to beat myself up for them.
Mary has said to me on many occassions WE are human and we make mistakes. That makes me feel better and it helps to see myself with compassion, something I never really did.
