Critical Parent

I started my session with Mary as we always do with some centering breathes to get me connected to ‘The Now’ and as is usual in our sessions. Mary’s voice brings me back to be fully present to the task at hand which was accessing and meeting the “Critical Parent.”

I found it to be really easy to connect and could visualize it being right beneath my skin, just waiting for anything to be critical about:

Mary had me draw my critical parent and as you can see I drew her as protective and happy with my 3 sisters and me there over to the side with my hands on my hips in a kind of defiant stance, separate.

In the drawintg she is telling me all the things that I now have learned to say to myself after being triggered by things my sisters and mother say. Inwardly I hear that I’m over exaggerating the pain I’ve felt throughout my childhood especially related to the incest.

After I drew the picture and said the words with my dominant hand Mary had me ask the question:

Dear inner child
“Tell me what your hearts desire is”
I then wrote my answers with my non-dominant hand

This is what I wrote:

I want to be free from feeling like I don’t matter to you-I want to be able to get excited about becoming a mom-I want to be free from those ugly thoughts!

Next Mary had me invite the voice and the critique of my inner‘Critical Parent’to come forward and have its say using the dominant hand:



Then Mary asked me to have the Inner Child talk back to the inner voice of the Critical Parent with my non-dominant hand

My Inner Child wrote:
I feel sad for you-that you are so angry. You can’t see me-can you? You don’t know me & you don’t want to know me.You just want to be mean & spiteful & I don’t want to know you anymore.

The picture below is my picture drawn with my non-dominant hand of me being free and happy and how I see my life becoming:

It’s me grown with my husband and 2 children with a house and a dog and a small structure off of my house that is representative of my office.
There is happiness in that picture and money to help me be free and to enable me to live a life of love and joy as I’ve always wanted to be.

This session really brought home to me the fact that holding onto the past is detrimental to my present and to my future.

I know that me being happy is down to me taking care of me.

The critical voice is not as loud as it was, although the many years I’ve spent pandering to that voice has to be unlearned and the person I am, and am becoming has to be honored.

I have to put those voices that keep me down to bed. Not having the backing [as I see it as this moment] of my first family to cheer me on, will not stop me from my journey. It has just been a glitch in my growth.

It has to come from me, and I can only stand by myself and do the best I can where I’m at at the moment with each day bringing more grace and hope into my life. I have to be aware that this voice is one of my stronger voices, and I have to be vigilant to it when it rises to the surface. I feel as if I should give it some respect after all it was this bold inner voice that brought me to the place of seeking the help I needed. It also enabled me to finally and for the rest of my time on this earth go forward with the true spirit that is demanding I pay attention to it. I certainly cannot offer any real help to others until I am at peace with this voice.

I want to say to the critical voice:

“You have done your job it is time for you to leave now” I appreciate that you had to be here for me to grow…………………..

Talk later Paula…………..growing up at warp speed I might add!