Mary and I started as we always do with some centering breath excercises.I brought up a specific problem I had been dealing with one of my own clients and how I was feeling less than valued. Mary suggested that we look into this situation as she thought it could be connected to a longer standing pattern. We put my protective parent into action through the dialogue process. WOW!!!!! OK!!!!! I get it.
I drew a picture of one of my clients who for most of the time I find to be quite reasonable but there are those times where I feel completely undermined. I kept thinking that it must be me [of course who else am I going to blame]and the inner critic was still reminding me that I must be incompetent or something. This client would give me a compliment and in the same breath tell me how I could do better [?] I would find myself trying to MAKE her see (prove) that I’m a good person/worker etc. or I would just work harder and prove to her that I was valuable. [Now after drawing out this inner voice I can see it for what it was…
I drew a situation which depicts the woman I work for and then myself using my non-dominant hand. (see image below) In the drawing it was interesting to see how very small I appear and I wonder could I appear any smaller? I mean good lord, I feel so sad for that minute being. I wonder do I really feel like that inside? Around her YES YES YES!!!!
Is she purposely making me feel like that NO NO NO…………I’m doing that to myself. In the drawing the caption above my head reads: “I’m so tired of these people." In my life I have grown tired of those people but in the past few months I have begun to notice that those ‘type’ people who used to always show up are not showing up as much in my life now. Could it be that I’m not attracting them as much anymore or I’m not attracted to them.
Mary also asked me to do a dialogue between the client and my protective parent using my dominant hand. She wanted the protective parent to be put into action in order to shield the inner child from being treated poorly.
(Click on the image to enlarge)
This dialogue was very revealing. In my last post I had said I feel like I’m maturing at warp speed and I am still doing just that. At the end of the dialogue my protective parent spoke a truth that I had not vocalized, but it is really the way I feel.
This image says it all as it shows me walking out the door. (click on the image to enlarge)
In reality I have begun finding and taking on new clients who treat me better. I want and know that I deserve to be appreciated for the work I do. [I’ve already signed one on to my books this week …hey go figure, and he’s signed on for my rate, without even a sigh! Twice the rate that I was getting previously. This new client was SO respectful and totally grateful, he was already feeling like I was going to be such an asset to him, and how did I feel. VALUED! VALUED, and in charge of my own voice.
I cannot piss and moan about how someone ‘makes’ me feel and expect things to change, I’m the only one who can change my circumstances. I’m the only one who gets to chose who and what I allow into my life. I must take responsibility for that.
As Mary so eloquently puts it; you only need to tend to your own inner road map, it’s not your responsibility to try to figure out anybody else’s emotions, or their shortcomings. If something doesn’t ‘FEEL’ right to you, that is an indicator that you shouldn’t be there, or you should take stock of what the feeling is trying to tell you……You need only to tend to your OWN inner world it will give you the information you are seeking. You must be still long enough to hear it!
This is my 9th week with Mary and so far I have taken on 2 new clients, and the completion of my ‘Life Coaching Certification’ should be done by December 2009.
I know for certain that if I hadn’t taken on this challenge of going in and working with my inner child that there would be no way I would have made such progress in my day to day life. I have been making healthier choices lately and have been learning how to become a better observer. I’m hoping that this ‘observer’ stays with me, throughout the rest of my life, allowing me to live more consciously.
.
It’s like I’m just getting used to myself and it’s quite exciting to like who I am, and to know that I don’t need to prove that I’m worthy to ANYONE! I’m learning that I’m valuable and loveable just as I am……… this takes practice. I have begun asking myself “What Do I Want?” What Do I Need?” Where Do I want To Go?” What Do I Want To Achieve?’ these are questions that now bare paying attention to…
Talk next week Paula
No comments:
Post a Comment